Tuesday, January 3, 2012
What I've learned so far...
OK, we are in week seven living in baby world, and I have definitely learned a lot in the last 49 days. A. LOT.
The main things I've learned? This is hard. This is amazing. This is terrifying. This is humbling. And most importantly: I WILL NOT JUDGE OTHER MOTHERS EVER AGAIN.
I cannot tell you how many times I've judged other moms. We've all done it. I've had thoughts like, "get that kid out of your bed" and "take that pacifier out of her mouth" and my favorite, "just tell your child NO!"
Wow. I've learned that it is positively unfair to judge another mother for her choices (save abuse, or blatantly obvious things like giving them junk food for every single meal) I can tell you that I've already done things I never thought I'd do, and my kid is only seven weeks.
Here's the truth: you do the best you can. You do what you have to do to SURVIVE, because honestly, sometimes it feels like these precious little beings are actually out to harm you. Or at least make you cry.
I've never been forgetful, and I've always been pretty good about staying on top of house work. I've lived my adult life priding myself in my ability to maintain strong friendships and keep up with each of my friends lives.
Guess what? In the last seven weeks, none of these things have been true. I left our changing pad and wipe case in the bathroom of a Buy Buy Baby. I am appauled at how messy I've let my kitchen get before I've tackled cleaning it. My best friend Steph actually asked me yesterday if I was depressed because I hadn't called her in two weeks. Who AM I?!
I love Sawyer. I love her more than I ever thought I could love a human being. I could smell her head all day every day for the rest of my life and never tire of that sweet scent. I love her so much that I am happy to get up with her in the middle of the night because she coos and kicks differently at 3am. I enjoy changing poopy diapers because she smiles so big once her butt is clean and it makes my eyes water inadvertently. I love that she relies on me for everything, and I relish in the fact that there are things I can do that absolutely no one else can do for her.
So the conclusion is, being someone's mother is hard, but it's worth it. It is challenging, but it's rewarding. You can live on less sleep than you ever thought could be possible. You can go without a shower for longer than you probably should. Your laundry will get folded eventually, your kitchen will be cleaned at some point, and your friends-if they're true friends, will understand. At the end of the day, I am just so thankful I was chosen to be Sawyer's mom. I can honestly say I've never been happier to be proven wrong time and time again.